Dad, Can I Talk to You?
by Femme aux Mille Visages
Summary: "I...don't really know how to say this...I wanted to ask you for some help with-with dating," he finished lamely. "Don't fall in love with an axe crazy murderess?" Phoenix deadpanned. Apollo asks Phoenix for some fatherly advice regarding his love life.. Cue sarcasm, cross examination techniques, and general hilarity. Familial Fluff. Originally a kink meme fill.


A/N: I originally wrote this for the kink meme several months ago, and decided to post it on here as well. :) If the line breaks are weird i apologise in advance. Enjoy!

Phoenix had forgotten just how much paperwork was involved in being a lawyer. ...Alright, so he'd never really done much paperwork before his disbarment, but he felt the need to be a better lawyer now. After all, he had to set a good example for Apollo and Athena. (Seriously, the world was a strange place when the magician and two spirit mediums had the normal names in an office). He sighed, rubbed his eyes, shifted the case files again. He couldn't decide which one he wanted to take; one a straightforward murder, the other a complicated larceny. Screw it, he'll take the murder; foisting off a larceny case shouldn't be too difficult. He hesitates before opening the folder-and he is saved, by a knock at the door!

Relieved at the distraction, he looks up to see Apollo standing in the doorway, shifting from foot to foot and nearly as red as his suit. Phoenix doesn't think anything of it; Apollo was usually unsure how to act around the attorney who had so recently gotten his badge back, who had served as a deranged, sarcastic mentor; and who seemed to be an odd sort of magnet for lost and broken things. He waved Apollo in, deciding to stick with the story that he really was doing paperwork.

"You've come for the new case file?" he asked, hoping Apollo's discomfort would be overshadowed by his workaholic tendencies.

"Not...exactly." Apollo muttered. "I came to ask for some advice."

"Advice? You aren't in legal trouble, are you?" "Not that kind of advice. Advice like you might give Trucy." Fatherly advice, Phoenix thought, but he let the comment go unspoken.

"You know I'm always happy to give you advice, Apollo. What's up?' Apollo shuddered.

(Note to self: act parental. Even though you're less than a decade older.) "I...don't really know how to say this...I wanted to ask you for some help with-with dating," he finished lamely.

"Don't fall in love with an axe crazy murderess?" Phoenix deadpanned, and Apollo actually laughed.

(Progress!) "No! No, that's not the problem...it's more that, I'm not sure if the person I like likes me back. Or ever could like me back."

(Oh. Oh. ) "Apollo, forgive me for being so blunt, but are you trying to tell me you're gay?"

Apollo hung his head, antennae drooping as he did so. "I-I'll just go, then-"

"That's not a problem." Apollo stopped dead in his tracks.

"Listen, Apollo, I'm not pretending that I know a ton about this-but I'm willing to offer you help in any way that I can. Sit." he gestured to the chair opposite the main desk. "In any case, it will be a welcome distraction from this paperwork."

That, at least, got Apollo to smile again. (Think, Phoenix, think. I know you weren't exactly paying attention on the instructions for good parenting, but Trucy turned out okay, right? Right?)

"Would you mind telling me who it is?" Apollo mumbled something into his shirt sleeve. "Well, I guess I'll just have to start guessing then." (Kind of like a cross examination...how the hell did I end up being a parent again?)

"Is it Edgeworth?"

"No." "Blackquill?"

"No."

"Klavier Gavin?"

"No!" Three Psyche Locks. Phoenix grinned. "You know, you're not the only one who can see lies, Apollo." He pulled the magatama out of his pocket. Apollo's eyes widened in recognition, then blushed and looked away.

"Yes. Yes, it's Klavier." Phoenix was relieved. This was far, far easier than he thought it was going to be. "So what are you worried about? Klavier's been flirting with you since you met!"

"Because! He's a prosecutor!"

"Edgeworth and I are friends despite that."

"Friends! Exactly! ...Is there something you're not telling me, Mr. Wright?" Phoenix laughed. "No, Lana and Edgeworth are very happy together. I just wanted to show you that courtroom roles have nothing to do with your personal life."

"And he has hundreds of fangirls! And I'm not even sure he swings that way!" (Trust me. He does.)

"And I'm not really sure how the whole...being gay thing works." (Oh, please tell me we're not going to have to have that kind of talk. I haven't even had that talk with Trucy yet!)

"Well, homosexuality is generally defined as being attracted to members of the same sex. And bisexuals are attracted to both." Apollo was so red he looked almost purple.

"Well, the orphanage I grew up in was Catholic...and I never really felt comfortable talking to Mr. Gavin-I mean Kristoph, not Klavier about it-I know the basics! I just though you might be...wiser in the ways of the world?"

(Apparently, the world is crueler than I thought.) At this point, Phoenix himself was very red, but he set his teeth. Apollo had trusted him enough to ask him for advice. Apollo saw him as a father figure. He had a responsibility. "Well, obviously, you can't get pregnant. But you should always wear condoms for protection. And-lubrication." (Please let this be over soon.)

Apollo wasn't looking much better off, but Phoenix soldiered on. Reaching into his desk drawer, he shuffled some things around until he came up with several brightly colored slips of paper. "Trucy's school gave us these pamphlets. They might be helpful for figuring out the whole mechanics thing." Apollo nodded, looking...oddly grateful.

"But the two most important things are to experiment with what feels good for you and your partner, and to set boundaries whenever you feel uncomfortable. And communication." Apollo nodded, then stood as if to go. (Oh thank God.) "Mr. Wright-"

"Phoenix, please." (I just had The Talk with you, and you're still calling me Mr. Wright?)

"Thanks. I don't know a lot of people who would have done that for me."

"Don't worry about it." He handed Apollo the case file. "And Apollo? Something tells me if you ask Klavier out, he won't say no."


End file.
